college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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