My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
