Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
