Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
