i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize