He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
