I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
