This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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