I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
