I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
God I need to hump something, right now.
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