apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
