They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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