with your own penis?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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