So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
one two three fourrrrnication!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
