if i can run in heels then i can drive
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
