it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
