i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
