They should really pass out barf bags in church
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
