I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
