i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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