so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
