the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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