Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The power of my boobs compel you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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