she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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