i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize