I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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