Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
