New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
