I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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