I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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