We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
