i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
