for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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