She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
