I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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