We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
