we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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