so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
