living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
