dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
