i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
