I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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