I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
either way he was missing a nipple.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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