I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
