ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
