Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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