Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
