You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize