Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
