i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
