So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
