Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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