He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
