DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
