Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
