No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
