everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
