Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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