now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
