addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
