We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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