I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
