So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
