I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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