He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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