your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
