I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize