I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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