I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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