Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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