nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I deserve this hangover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
