I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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