i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Two words: blizzard sex
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
