We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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