3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sarcasm needs its own font
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
