If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
