what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
