does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
