I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
