I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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