i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
