I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
