My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
